The Secret Recipe
by Lurking Pheonix
Summary: 2P America, pissed off, destroys 2P England's cupcakes with his baseball bat. 2P England isn't going to let him get away with it. He's going to get his revenge and scare him half to death while he's at it. 2P America will never see him the same way ever again.


**I wanted to add some humor to the 2P fandom because they're kinda rare. I would love to see more 2P humor fics to add to my community. :)**

**2P England- Oliver**

**2P America- Al**

**2P Italy- Luciano**

* * *

Oliver removes his fresh batch of cupcakes from the oven. The cupcake's blue icing with pink sprinkles looks brilliant. It'll look even better with the matching paper cups he's putting them in. He sniffs them and smiles. "I think these are my best cupcakes yet." Since he's planning on eating these cupcakes with his meal, he didn't poison or drug them.

He exits the kitchen and sets the tray of cupcakes on the living room table. Oliver glides his fingers through his strawberry blonde hair. "Oh my, that was a lot of hard work. I just cannot wait to eat them."

Oliver sits down in his favorite chair. He takes one of the cupcakes and as he's about to take a bite, he hears knocking from the front door. Oliver puts the cupcake down and quips, "I'm coming~"

He heads to the front door and hears a loud crash. He hurries to see Al standing on his fallen front door. Al hits the vase near his feet with his bloody baseball bat riddled with nails on the top. Oliver's smile falters a bit. He loathes it whenever Al barges into his home and destroys his things. It drives him bonkers.

Al curses, "You gave my new recruits poison cupcakes, didn't you!" Oliver brings his fingers to his chin as he thinks about it. He does recall giving some unruly gentlemen his special cupcakes the other day. He wanted to try out his new poison recipe. Though, the rude men left before he could check the side effects. He wanted to document it for future uses.

Oliver says, "Well, I did give some men a few of my cupcakes."

Al, his face full of rage, shoves him aside and stomps into the living room. Oliver trails after him. "Please don't make a mess. I already tidied up the house a few hours ago."

Al stops in his tracks. He glares at the cupcakes set innocently on the table. Al turns his head to give Oliver a smirk. "This is what I think of your shitty cupcakes." Al lifts his baseball bat and slams it on the cupcakes.

Oliver looks on horrified as icing flies through the air with each hit. He falls to his knees, his legs too weak to support him. He covers his mouth to suppress his cries. No one has ever done this before. No matter how angry they are at him, they never resort to harming his cupcakes.

Al grins evilly at his destruction. He lifts his baseball bat on his shoulder and whistles an 'innocent' tune. He gives Oliver one last smirk before exiting the room. Oliver chokingly touches what is left of his precious cupcakes. He tears up as the crumbs tumble from his hands.

"That'll teach you not to mess with me," shouts Al.

Oliver's eyes darken. No one messes with his darling cupcakes and gets away with it. Oliver grins creepily. He's going to get his sweet revenge. Oh no, he's not going to stoop low like Al and be physical. (Not too much, anyway.)

Oliver is stooping _way_ lower.

* * *

Al sits in Oliver's living room, grumbling how he wants to go home already. He doesn't want to be stuck with this psychopath. He's wasting time in this girly house. He wants to raise his army and take on Luciano, dammit.

Oliver offers him the most normal looking cupcake he's made in his life. It's a vanilla cupcake with white frosting in a white paper cup.

Al narrows his eyes. "How the hell do I know you didn't put any of your strange shit in it?" He knows Oliver too well. That bastard loves putting knock out drugs or fast acting poison in them. He's seen them taking effect on people, too. The experience didn't look pleasant on the victims at all.

Oliver scolds him. "Now Al, do not use naughty words or I'll punish you." Al shuts up. He may not look like it, but he's a cruel man who loves to kill his victims slowly. Although, Oliver likes to scrub his mouth clean with a nasty tasting bar of soap. Al knows which brands of bar soap tastes the least disgusting because of him.

"Don't be silly. I would never poison you, poppit." Oliver is perfectly okay with drugging him. Al once woke up in the middle of a park miles away from home. It took him forever to get back home. Nobody wanted to help him.

Oliver takes a bite. The frosting smears his mouth, but Oliver doesn't seem to notice or care. A few seconds pass and nothing happens.

Al snatches a cupcake from the tray. "Fine. I'll eat one." The cupcake doesn't seem harmful, so he thought, why not. If Oliver eats the cupcakes, it means he didn't do anything to them. He wouldn't have eaten them if he had.

Al takes a few bites before he notices something strange. There's a questionable red liquid pooling at the bottom of the paper cup. The worst thing he notices is the…..finger peaking from the center of the cupcake. He was about to eat it but stopped himself in time.

Al hurls the cupcake across the room. The cupcake splatters on the wall behind Oliver. The frosting smears the wall as it lands on the tiles.

Al scramble from his seat, looking at Oliver with horror. "Y-You tricked me…"

Oliver grins. "Into eating human remains? Why yes, I did. I know you like it." Oliver holds out the tray. "Why don't you try some more, duckie?" Al never thought Oliver of all people is a cannibal. That thought never crossed his mind, that is, until now.

Al stumbles from his seat and onto the floor. Oliver walks closer to him; the look on his face looks creepier than usual with the white frosting. It looks like rabies! Al's hands searches desperately on the floor for his trusty baseball bat. "Stay the hell away from me," screeches Al.

Oliver pulls Al's baseball bat from his back. "Are you looking for this, Al?" He pales. His only weapon is in the hands of a madman. Oliver puts a thoughtful look on his face. "I should return it to you." Oliver swings the bat and hits inches from Al's face.

Oliver says, "I thought you wanted your baseball bat back. Why don't you want it?"

Al rolls to the side and gets on his knees. He sprints for the front entrance with Oliver on his heel. Al shouts, "I'm leaving and never coming back to this hell hole." Luckily, Al doesn't need to waste seconds opening the front door since Oliver didn't replace the one he broke down yesterday.

"Do please come back! I wonder how you taste like in my cupcakes," shouts Oliver.

He's going to scrub his tongue clean and have his stomach pumped. Al should have seen the warning signs: Oliver not telling him to go to the bathroom and lean over the sink so he could wash his mouth clean for cursing, or wiping his face of the frosting. Oliver dislikes having his face dirty.

Al, unfortunately, does have to return to Oliver's house eventually. The Allies have their meetings at the baker's house once in a while.

He's never going to trust Oliver with food ever again.

* * *

Oliver laughs from the window. He didn't really use human flesh in his recipe. Heavens no, he would never do that. Eating that kind of meat sounds revolting to him. The wonders red food coloring and gummy candy parts from a convenience store can do.

Oliver got his revenge by torturing Al mentally. Messing with the mind lasts forever. The shock of Al's 'discovery' prevented him from fighting back with his fists. Oliver doesn't know how long he would last if Al got physical.

It's been a few weeks since the human flesh cupcake incident. Rumors have spread that Oliver's a cannibal. Obviously to him and some of the other 2Ps, Oliver is not a cannibal.

Oliver doesn't dismiss the rumors. He uses it to his advantage. Now everyone fears him and take him more seriously when he makes demands.

* * *

**In my headcanon, 2P England is not a cannibal. He uses the rumors to his advantage to strike even more fear in his victims. :D This fic is like the origin of the cannibal rumors about him. **

**I used Oliver and Al as the 2Ps names because those were one of the most common names I found. Plus, I like them. :) **


End file.
